Repentance.

As March ended and April came round, Damien had completely accepted the fact that Taylor was avoiding him. He knew well that she had every right to treat him like the dirt at the bottom of her shoe. He really had disrespected her and he was sorry that she was offended, but really, he never meant to do it. It came as a sort of revelation – after endless days after days telling himself he hated the girl, but Damien realized that he would never want to hurt Taylor. On the surface, with biting comments and sharp insults, yes, that brought him quite some sort of sadistic joy. But if he knew that he really had hurt her, deeply, emotionally, he would never be able to live with himself.
And that was what killed him. He was supposed to abhor the girl. She was supposedly the object of his consistent loathing. So why did he care so much about her feelings? He had a brief suspicion that he needed to place her as the one he couldn’t stand because he didn’t want to feel the other thing so close to hatred. They did say there was a thin line between love and hate. But that was ridiculous.
The possibility did nothing else but consume him and became a shell of what he used to be. He was distant with the twins and through Kat’s haze of worry and disappointment at Taylor’s lack of presence, even she managed to realize that there’s was something that wasn’t right with Damien. She’d tried to ask him about it many times, but he expertly avoided the subject like the plague and sometimes even resorted to stinging words and harsh comments which he never ever used on her. It shocked her at first, but Kat being a smart girl, knew what lay behind his callous demeanour. It was just an assumption, but however accurate she was, she would never knew. Kathryn Wu had an overbearing feeling that there was a lot more happening between Taylor and Damien than met the eyes. But what did she know?

It was another one of those lunches where Kat had begun pressing the damn issue again. It had become a sickening routine lately in Damien’s opinion. First she would rant on about how she missed the girl, then she would catch glimpse of Taylor laughing – although somewhat pretentiously – with the new girl, Cailin. Copious amounts of sighing would ensue and she would proceed to lament out loud, wondering what she had done wrong that Taylor was now staunchly avoiding them. At first Bryan and Damien had entertained her supposed ‘depression’ but now, it was getting out of hand. Bryan ended up in the foulest of moods after those lunches and Damien would just be the silent and brooding persona he had begun to take on shortly after Taylor had arrived on the doorsteps of Her Majesty’s School of Art and Design. Long gone was their laughter and playful banter and one day on a whim of revelation, Damien realized that it wasn’t worth it to sacrifice their good times over his pride. That was it. He had no other choice but to apologize. He’d made up his mind and there was no changing it.
Just as if on cue, Taylor had arrived with her lunch, Japanese again it seemed. He’d noticed all this, her affinity for raw fish and sticky rice. It was unimportant, but he noticed it nonetheless. He turned his nose up in disgust as he watched the lanky Irish girl cling on to her every word with her large dirty brown eyes staring at Taylor’s confident disposition pleading and hoping; no, dreaming, that she would somehow magically become like her newfound companion.
Damien watched with slight resentment as Taylor walked past him and the twins without so much of a glance. She had been spending more time with that new girl, Cailin, of late rather than with them like she should. Too much time in fact. It wasn’t like he wanted her with them. The distance gave him breathing room, time to think. Surprisingly, he found that he didn’t regret his actions that night. It was a mistake, yes, but was it necessarily a bad one? “…what did I do wrong. Did I say something? Why is she ignoring me?” Kat’s incessant ranting barely registered in his mind as he tried to push the thoughts that had been consuming his mind for the past month away. Stoically, he followed Bryan as he tiredly tried to assure his distressed sister that he was sure it was not her fault and Taylor was just making new friends. But Damien had a feeling he knew why she was avoiding them. And he knew, it was time that he fixed the situation. It was getting ridiculous. He had made up his mind about it and he was going to carry it out. No point delaying it now.

“Hey, guys, excuse me for a bit. I’ve got to go and look for Allen about my assignment,” he told them flippantly. Then, without waiting for a reply, he turned around abruptly and took off in the other direction. It was time to look for that damned girl.

He traversed the more popular school corridors, the ones near the classroom, the one near the library, and the one near the girls’ dormitories. But he was without luck, where could that bloody girl be? Damien was about to give up and return to the twins when he caught the sight of a slender girl with dirty blonde hair sporting an apple green shift dress. There she is, he thought, picking up speed as he tried to catch up with her. Taylor would be the only girl he knew to wear dresses in bright colours around the school. He’d always thought she was crazy to do so, but he knew that she was very fashion forward and would have it no other way.

His feet met noisily with the hard stone floor as he continued to pursue her retreating figure. Taylor turned around, her eyes widening slightly as she saw him coming after her and her pace quickened almost instinctively. What was her problem? This was ridiculous. “Taylor!” he called out, hoping she would stop. She walked even quicker, it almost seemed like she was running from him. He was reluctant to discuss what had happened between them, but it had gone too far. She had been distancing herself from him and the twins. With him, it was understandable. But what she was doing was killing Kat. He couldn’t bear to hear Kat go on and on wondering what wrong had she done to Taylor. It was bad enough dealing with what happened that night. But listening to Kat talk continuously about the girl was near unbearable. Furthermore, hell, it was annoying. Sure, he loved Kat to pieces. But when she got whiny, he’d rather throw himself into a pit of hungry lions. Well, maybe he was being dramatic but her relentless whining had driven him to a point of insanity. A teenage boy could only deal with so much angst. As much as he hated to admit it, he had his own and Kat’s was pretty much the straw that broke the camel’s back.

“For God’s sake, woman,” he muttered under his breath and he threw away all pride and took off in a run after the girl. People had started staring. Damien Winters, wealthy British stud running after… a girl? He slowed down as he reached her, stopping closer to her than he had meant to be; the sweet vanilla smell of her hair assaulting his senses. “Taylor,” he said, softly now. “Don’t walk away from me.”

~o~

Taylor froze in her place as she heard him, close behind her, closer than she wanted him to be. “Don’t walk away from me.” It was a breath, a whisper. He’d said the same thing to her before, but this time it was softer, less arrogant, more pleading. What had happened to the arrogant prat she had found so easy to hate before? She didn’t want to turn around, didn’t want to see his face; didn’t want to see his stormy blue eyes, always so conflicted. She had to admit, she’d been doing a good job avoiding him for the past month. And she’d been trying her hardest to erase that night from her memory. But every time she was left alone, her thoughts would wander back to that night. And now she’d almost pushed it all to the back of her mind. Would she let that all go to waste now? No, she wouldn’t. Letting out the breath she didn’t know she was holding, Taylor took a step forward and continued walking away from Damien, never looking back at him. She heard him curse softly and suddenly felt his hand around her wrist, burning into her flesh. His hand lingered there longer than necessary and it was unbearable.

~o~

She whipped around, cheeks heated and a fire in her eyes that hid her confusion and mixed emotions. “Why?” Her voice was soft but held enough emotion and power to put her feelings across. She was angry with him. Of course she was. What else would he expect? He still hadn’t let go of her wrist, but she flung him off her, anger still evident in her movements. Damien was stunned; he suddenly realized that he didn’t know why. He had never thought of why he did it, always of its consequences. And those were the ones that haunted him. What did she think of him? What did she think it meant? He stared down at his hand where her warm skin had just been, now feeling the cool spring breeze on his pale skin. Finally realizing he had been silent for some time, he looked into her cobalt eyes and answered, “I don’t know.” His voice was laden with apology.
“You don’t know?” There was a hint of incredulity mingled with her anger.
“I don’t. I’m sorry. But I really have no idea what made me do such a thing. And I am truly sorry.”
“You’re sorry.” It was a statement and she said it as if his apology didn’t matter, didn’t make a difference. Like it had no effect.
“I truly am, Taylor. It was stupid and please, don’t ruin your friendship with Kat because of this. She’s been killing herself over it. She has no idea why you’ve suddenly found such friendship in that Gallagher girl.” His tone hinted disdain, and he didn’t bother to disguise it.
“Gosh, Kat. Oh my goodness, I’ve been so selfish.” She was regretful; he could hear it in her voice.
“I really am sorry, Taylor. Could we please put this behind us? For the twins?”
She was silent for a moment, as if contemplating then what left her lips took him by complete surprise. “So it didn’t mean anything?” He was sure that he heard some hope in his voice. Did she really want it to mean nothing that badly? Was he such a bad person in her mind? His brow creased for a moment that could pass off as confusion but really represented an entirely different emotion – hurt. But that feeling was only fleeting as he answered too quickly, “Of course it didn’t. It was stupid. One of those spur of the moment things, you know. I’m sorry if I caused any confusion or anything.” His words came out of his mouth too fast and were cold and seemingly uncaring.
She smiled and replied, “Oh, okay. Good then.” There was an uncertain pause, and then she asked, “So we’re okay?”
“Yeah of course.” His replies were coming out too quick and emotionless for his liking. He watched as she extended her hand for a shake and brought his hand out to grasp hers. Her skin burned his and he almost didn’t want to let go. But he knew they had held on far too long than a normal handshake should be and he quickly dropped her hand. “So, see you tomorrow then. Usual spot.” He flashed her a smile and walked off back to the boys’ dormitories. He needed a cold shower.

~o~

Taylor walked steadily back to her dorm room and frankly was surprised at how stable she seemed after what had just happened. She had no idea why, but seeing Damien so unbelievably sincere, it had left her shaken. A nagging feeling at the back of her mind told her it was all an act and he didn’t mean a single word of the bollocks that erupted from his mouth. But if he didn’t mean any of it, did it mean that there was something? That it actually meant something? That it wasn’t just ‘one of those spur of the moment things’?
She pushed open the door to the room silently and let out a sigh of relief as the empty room beckoned her. As bad as she felt about ignoring Kat for the past few weeks, she really didn’t have the energy to come up with a heartfelt apology at that moment. She might end up coming of insensitive and callous and end up ruining their relationship for good. No, she was being dramatic. Shaking her head, she muttered a quiet curse. Damn that Damien Winters for screwing with her head. She had been perfectly fine before he had stepped into her life. Before their fates had seemingly collided. Taylor snorted half-heartedly as she recalled the first time they had met. She had ran straight into his well-toned body on her way to the boarding gate. It wasn’t pleasant, but she wasn’t going to forget that day anytime soon.
Smiling slightly, she felt the warm, comforting wave of relief wash over her as she accepted that the little strife she had with Damien had been settled and she could go back to intelligent company, witty banter and the off snide remark she shared with the boy who vexed her so. Finally relaxed after weeks and weeks of insomnia, she drifted into deep sleep.


She rarely flew across the island now. Every time it seemed, she ended up on its glistening silver sandy banks. She hadn’t visited the island in a long time. And she hadn’t seen the boy in her dreams either. Taylor didn’t realize it at first, but as she rose from the warm sand and traveled languidly around the perimeter of the large silver island, she realized that she missed seeing him. She missed the connection they had. She didn’t dare venture into the dark, mysterious jungle that lay in front of her nor did she dare to walk out into the black foreboding sea that surrounded her. She was stuck in the middle, stuck in a limbo of warm bliss. Honestly, Taylor seemed content lying on the beach waiting for her strange gentleman to come and escort her into an adventure.

It was different now it seemed. After her absence from the island, no longer was she itching to explore the vast expanse of argent foliage that grew wildly in the centre of the island. It was a strange feeling, and she couldn’t place it. Was it patience?

As she sat in the same, she turned her body to face the silver flora in front of her. A sharp reminder of that night had pierced her memory. Was this really lucid dreaming? It sure as hell felt like it. Cocking her head to one side, Taylor looked into the dark wilderness that shone with a lustrous gleam. Closing her eyes, she remembered him as clear as day. Damien… His name sounded foreign in her dreamy clouded mind. Strong arms around her, his musky scent enveloped her and in a flash, she was back in the garden again, in his arms. He made her feel safe.

She opened her eyes to black sky and jolted up to a sitting position, she faced the silver jungle in front of her and sighed as she remembered his exact words. ‘It was stupid…’ Taylor felt her eyes widen as his deep, honeyed voice emerged from the depths of the forest. ‘…One of those spur of the moment things, you know…’

“No,” she found herself saying. “Please, no.” She was pleading now, pleading with the forest that seemed to bring her memory vividly to all the events that involved the sodding Damien Winters. ‘…Stupid…’ A silent gasp escaped her lips. ‘…Spur of the moment things…’ ‘…Spur of the moment things…’ ‘…Spur of the moment things…’


“NO!” Taylor sat up rigidly in her bed only to find a wide-eyed Kat staring at her. She was shaken by the dream. What did it mean? Did she want the incident to mean something? What did she feel about Damien? What? How? WHY?!
This was beyond confusion and her hazy mind barely registered Kat’s presence until the Chinese girl had spoken. With an uncharacteristically meek voice, Kat had mumbled an apology. “I’m sorry, Taylor. Please don’t be angry.” Needless to say, Taylor was sorely taken aback. “What are you talking about Kat?” Her voice was laced with confusion as she continued. “No, I’m sorry. I’ve been a right bitch to you and Bryan lately. I’m sorry I’ve been distant. It’s just… My parents, you know.” The lie had formulated quickly in her mind and as her conscious thoughts grasped the idea, they intertwined with it, weaving a plausible story. That; indeed was the art of lying.
She could see the change in Kat’s face almost instantly. From moroseness it had evolved to empathy. “Shit, Taylor. And here I thought I’d done something wrong. Are you okay? What’s up with your family?”
At the rate she was going, Taylor thought she should join the drama department at MAD too. With a long dramatic pause and a quiet yet heavy sigh, she said softly, “I… I don’t really want to talk about it right now. Sorry, Kat. I promise. Tomorrow. Things will go back to normal.” She faked a soft hiccup and buried her face in her hands. Kat had begun to become flustered. It appeared that she didn’t do well with deep, angst-filled conversations. “Uhm… I’ll leave you alone,” she stuttered softly, getting up to leave Taylor alone.
“You’ll be fine, honey,” she added softly. “Remember, I’m always here okay?” Kat bent down for a quick and brief hug. “Hey. Hey.” She forced Taylor to look her in the eyes. “Don’t stress kay? You know I’m here for you.” With a small smile, Taylor nodded slowly before turning away from the girl.
When she heard the door close quietly, she flopped onto her back and let out a berated groan. She felt immensely bad. Kat had been nothing but nice to her. And she had to lie through her teeth to Kat’s face. It was a horrible way to repay such good friendship. “I am a horrible, horrible bitch of a friend,” she practically screamed at the ceiling. Why did she have to make up that stupid lie? But what else could she say?
“I think I am horribly and irrevocably infatuated with your best friend Damien Winters but he’s fucked me over, but we’re over it now and I can’t seem to get my head around the fact that that night meant absolutely nothing to him.”
The words rang through the empty dorm room and Taylor, with a groan, buried her face into the pillow, not being able to accept what she had just admitted out loud.

~o~

The next day, everything indeed seemed normal again. Except one very small detail: Cailin Gallagher. Taylor didn’t know how to break it to her. She was never very good with confrontation having always had people to do her dirty work for her back in England. Slowly stepping out of the dormitory that morning, she braced herself for the routine Gallagher assault. And just as she expected it, she heard Cailin’s abnormally high-pitched squeal and the tall lanky girl came running to her side much alike a Labrador puppy running to meet its master.

“Morning Cailin,” she mumbled dully which was quite the opposite to the overly-cheerful chirping reply from the other girl. Stifling a sigh, Taylor walked down to the Cafeteria passing the spot by the stairs like she always did. For the past month it was because she had that ridiculous glimmer of hope that Damien would be there standing arrogantly, looking like a pompous arse as if nothing had happened, nothing had changed. But now, it was due to routine and because Cailin would so annoyingly question if she changed their route.
However, that faithful morning, Taylor had to blink twice when she saw Damien resting against the banister, a perfect smirk painted on his features and his commanding airs that showed that indeed he owned most of the school’s hearts. But it appeared that her eyes were not deceiving her because at that exact moment, she heard Cailin gushing. “..Damien Winters is looking at me!” She turned to meet his eyes with a confused gaze as she caught him winking at Cailin. What was he playing at? Damien eased himself off the banister and sauntered over towards the pair of them and instead of saying a single word to Taylor, instead he bent over Cailin and whispered something in her ear. Something so curious that the Irish girl let out a loud squeal and tittered shamelessly before running off with a rushed, “Uhm, bye Taylor. I’ll see you around… I guess…”
Suspiciously, Taylor stared after the girl and turned bewilderedly to the boy next to her. “What in God’s name did you say to her??”
All Damien did was laugh softly, keeping his cool graces as he looked down at her. He lowered his voice and bent down to reply, “Something very, very naughty.” A scandalized look must have overcome her own features because he proceeded to let out a smooth and deep laugh and continued to say, “Don’t you worry. Just know she won’t be bothering us anytime soon.”
Taylor laughed along with him, but she couldn’t stop herself from catching his use of the word ‘us’ in his sentence. She knew very well that he meant them and the twins. But really, was there more to it? All she could do was brush it out of her mind as she followed him into the Cafeteria for their breakfast.

They bought their food together. It wasn’t normal. She didn’t quite know how to place it because it felt perfectly normal, almost natural even. He had actually picked her plate for her. How did he know she liked salmon hand rolls in the morning? And when she had gotten his coffee, she just remembered how he liked it. Black, no sugar, no creamer. It was beyond strange because they had never discussed it, they just somehow knew.
Damien helped her carry her food as they made their way to their usual spot by the tree and it struck her as if he was being the perfect gentleman to her because he felt bad for playing her that night. But did he really? He had apologized so did it really count? She really did not want to think of it and just the solution came crashing into her in the form of an overexcited and excessively happy Kathryn Wu.

“Oh my GOD! TAYLOR! Yay!” The girl wrapped her in a tight embrace. “I knew you meant what you said. Omigosh I like totally missed you! Seriously! Ask the boys.” As she said it, she grinned cheekily at the two boys behind her.

Taylor laughed and hugged her back and they settled into comfortable chatter. She couldn’t help smile indulgently as she leaned back against the tree. She really had missed the twins and even if she had to reluctantly admit it, she even missed hanging around with Damien. She missed the witty remarks and sharp comments they shared that had not been present when she had Cailin stuck to her arm. It was good to be back. Contentedly, she took a bite out of her hand roll and held in her laughter at one of Bryan’s ridiculously lame jokes.

~o~

“So right, two peanuts were walking down a dark alley one night. And…”
“And?” replied Kat, half-heartedly entertaining her brother’s pitiable attempt at telling a joke.
“And one was assaulted!” Bryan burst out in a fit of laughter that seemed contagious because Taylor began laughing too. But she wasn’t laughing. She was doing that thing that she does when she was trying not to laugh. But he knew she secretly found Bryan’s stupid jokes funny. And it was little things like those that made her so… sweet. He thought she was sweet? Really? What happened to the annoying, loud-mouthed and self-righteous girl he saw in her before?
A hand waved obnoxiously in front of his face and he snapped out of his reverie. “Get it?” Bryan asked him, between fits of laughter.
Even though her nodded, Damien did not find a single thing funny in his best friend’s joke. In fact, he hadn’t even heard it. Why? Because he had been fixated singularly on one thing – no, one person. Ever since he had seen her that morning and seemingly rescued her from that sad excuse of a friend, he couldn’t stop looking at her. Of course, his glances remained discreet and nobody could tell but he had indeed become quite obsessed with her.
He didn’t know what he was feeling. It felt so… right to have her around. Maybe he was just getting used to her ever-annoying presence. As he sneaked one last look at her, he could have sworn he caught her quickly looking away, a hot blush forming on her pinking cheeks.