Contempt.

The next day, Taylor walked through the foyer to get to her classes and noticed that Damien wasn’t leaning in his usual arrogantly casual style by the stairs waiting for her. He wasn’t even there at all. “Well, you have already mastered the school Taylor, you can’t expect him to be here every morning. Hell, you should be glad he won’t be breathing down your neck anymore. In fact, be glad you don’t have to see him after last nigh–” she stopped short as she collided into a hard muscular figure. She quickly stepped back to apologize when she saw who the figure was. Perfect. None other than Damien Winters – the person she had been dreading to see all morning.

As she stared at his still porcelain features, perfectly chiseled and frozen in surprise mingled with something else she couldn’t quite place, she couldn’t stop the thoughts of what had happened the night before from invading her mind. She’d stood there like a fool after he left her, confused and lost. She had been experiencing ruthless emotional turmoil and she still hadn’t decided what to feel about him yet, though anger and resentment had been winning the battle while she was swimming in embarrassment whilst rushing back to her dorm. However, the whole affair hadn’t actually sunk it yet and Taylor knew she was going to spend a lot of time obsessing about what had happened whether she liked it or not.

Trying to stop the magnitude of thoughts speeding through her mind, she held her head high, coldly looked him in the eye and walked away. She realized that she didn’t want to speak to him until she was sure of herself, sure of her feelings, sure of what actually had happened. And it took all the self-control she had not to turn around and look at him. She wondered. And that was the problem. She wondered whether he was looking after her, wondered whether he wondered why she was ignoring him. And especially, she wondered whether he was equally as confused as she.

Passing the dance rooms, Taylor gasped as she saw her reflection. She honestly looked like hell. Even at that distance, she could see the eye bags that threatened to take over her face. The large, purple bruises under her eyes were a sharp reminder of her ‘eventful’ night. Hell, everything she saw proved to be a sharp reminder to her today. It was as if her mind morbidly linked all visual stimuli to that scarring memory. Truth be told, she hadn’t had the time that morning to look in the mirror, she was too late and frankly too embarrassed to care what she looked like. Staring at her reflection now in the dance room mirrors, she wished she had been less worried about getting to class late. Now she had to endure the entire day looking something of Frankenstein’s bride in a turquoise Marc Jacob number courtesy his ingenious spring line.

Gathering herself together, Taylor walked as gracefully as she could to the literature classrooms; her body was already feeling sluggish due to the lack of sleep that was beginning to kick in. She took her usual seat near the back of the class and thanked God that none of the other three took lit since she was the only poet in the lot. This gave her time to think in peace and frankly, she couldn’t deal with seeing any one of them just yet. Unfortunately, the three hours had passed altogether far too quickly and before she knew it, it was time for lunch. In the given time span, she’d managed to obsessive compulsively narrow down what had happened.
One: he had held her hand; no, more than that, he had held her. She didn’t know what it meant and that was the gist of her confusion. She didn’t like being this confused especially when she thought about her second revelation. That being, she didn’t mind. When it happened, she didn’t do anything to stop it. She should have been feeling disgusted at herself for letting the Devil’s Incarnate ‘take advantage’ of her – well, so to speak. It wasn’t technically correct to call it that, but she couldn’t think of another more appropriate word. But instead, she didn’t regret it happening. And even worse – and she didn’t even want to go there – she wouldn’t have minded if it happened again. Worse still, a tiny part of her wanted it to happen again, but no. NO. She was definitely confusing herself. She hated the boy, why would she want that to happen again? No, she didn’t want it to happen.
The ultimate question however, that hung over her like a dead albatross on her shoulders was why – why and what. Why did he do it? What was he thinking? What did he feel? What was he feeling? Was he being tormented like this as well?

The only way to find out was to see him. And she had to anyway; the four of them had become quite close over the past months. Well, if one wanted to be technical, she’d become very close to the twins. A lot of tension and acrimony still lingered between her and Damien. They hadn’t gotten off to a good start and they never seemed to find compatibility in each other. Taylor traipsed down to the Cafeteria and admired the weather. It was a cool day, even for March and the light breeze blew the skirt of her summer dress as she made her way to meet the other three. She found the three of them by their usual spot under the tree and immediately realized that she had been such a fool. Anger welt up inside of her as she saw Damien laughing along with the twins as if nothing had happened. So he’d been playing her had he? She was just another pawn in his game of boredom. She didn’t know why it affected her so, but just the thought of it made her furious. Nevertheless, she kept her cool and steeled her expression as she walked towards them, balancing her tray of sushi as she went.

“Whoa, what happened to you? Rough night?” His honeyed, slick drawl brimming with amusement and his usual contempt filled her ears. Rage seethed through her mind as she registered his snark comment. How could he even make a joke about that? It was entirely his fault.
“Yeah,” she said, pure loathing dripping from her tone of voice. “I had a nightmare.” She looked him straight in his eyes with a glare full of hatred and disgust before turning to Kat, a smile plastered on her face. “Sorry love, I just remembered I had something to do for my lit assignment. Talk to you later yeah?” And with that, she took off with her tray of food towards the bustling Cafeteria.
She just couldn’t handle facing him now. Now that she knew that last night was nothing but something to amuse him. She was so close to actually thinking otherwise. He had hurt her and he had made a fool out of her. She could take this anymore. She couldn’t even look at him without feeling like a complete idiot. Taylor made a point to avoid him for as long as she could. No matter what it took.

She found a seat at an empty table near the school building and far, far away from that arsehole, Damien Winters. Absentmindedly eating her sushi, she let her anger boil and hatred teemed through her mind and envelope her. There were too many people around to notice her and she would be able to scream mentally at herself in peace. It was sorry to say that she was wrong.
“Hi, is this seat taken?” A soft, gentle voice brought Taylor out of her reverie and almost made her curse at the girl who owned it. She had been busy yelling at herself mentally for being so stupid and falling into that Winters boy’s trap. Now all she was was another conquest he could boast about. It really wasn’t the time to interrupt her. “Excuse me?” Sighing, Taylor looked up to find a tall, fair girl with dark brunette hair and a freckled complexion looking expectantly at her. She was thin and willowy and she carried herself with a certain awkward grace.
“Hell, I am so sorry. You must think me so rude. Just caught up in my own thoughts. Honestly, really sorry. Oh, no, yeah, you can sit here.” She offered a small smile to the girl.
“Thank you,” she smiled. Taylor noticed the heavy Irish accent in the girl’s voice.
“So, I’m Taylor Smith, international student here from London. And you are?”
“Oh I am so rude. I’m Cailin Gallagher. From Ireland, though I’m sure you can tell. I came in late January. It’s surprising that we’ve never met.” She laughed politely and Taylor thought her laugh was too quiet to be considered sincere but she brushed it off.
“Well MAD is a truly enormous school. It’s not that surprising really.” She laughed too, with forced cheer, as her mind was still preoccupied with that incorrigible Damien Winters.
“Yeah. Am I bothering you, really? Because it feels like I am. I should g–”
“No, no, no. Stay. So who do you usually hang out with here?” This time she offered a genuine smile to the girl.
“Not many people actually,” she replied, her voice quiet with a sort of sadness in them. “People don’t seem to like talking to me and I’ve always been quite shy. So yeah.”
“What? But you seem utterly pleasant. They’re just being dolts.”
“Thanks, really. But mostly what people think of me is true. As I’ve realized.”
“Oh come on. And what have people thought of you?
“Well, they called me a pushover, whiny, pathetic, annoyin–”
“Nonsense,” she cut the girl off. “They were being unkind. Ignore them. I think you’re a very nice girl.” Taylor smiled and patted the girl’s arm comfortingly.
Cailin smiled widely. “Thank you so much. That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me!”
“Not a problem. Everyone should get to feel good about themselves.” And the pair began chatting amiably. Taylor thought Cailin was a nice girl, but rather too wishy-washy for her liking. But she couldn’t be picky. If she had to avoid the twins plus one – not willingly of course, damn that Damien Winters – she should be glad that she had acquired a new friend out of it. So what if she was a little vapid?

But just as Taylor thought she was going to forget all about last night and sodding Damien Winters, they were interrupted by somebody – a very male somebody.
“Excuse me ladies,” the distinct tenor of a very articulate British male rang through her ear. Taylor didn’t even have to look to know whom it belonged to. “I’m sorry, Miss…” He looked to Cailin for an answer.
“G-Gallagher,” she all but whispered, seeming very taken aback by Damien’s heavily laid charm. “Ca-Cailin Galla-lagher.” She giggled femininely.
“Ah, Miss Gallagher. Such a pleasure.” Taylor resisted a gag as she heard the silky smile in his voice. “Am I interrupting? Because I really need to have a word with Miss Smith here.”
“Oh no you’re no–” Cailin began to say but Taylor cut her off, “Yes you are interrupting. And if you don’t mind, we need to leave right now.” She glared ferociously at Damien and stood up.
“We – we do?” said the Irish girl, uncertainty lacing her voice. Taylor glared at Damien who looked undoubtedly amused. He gave her a knowing smile as if to say ‘I’ve got all the girls in the palm of my hand’. She made a huff or more like a sound, affronted by his blatant display of chauvinism.
“Yes. Yes we do. Come along Cailin.” Taylor’s voice held finality and an air of command and she took Cailin by the arm and stalked of purposefully towards the school building, never looking back at the boy who had ostensibly taken over her mind.

“Uh… What just happened?” The girl looked bewildered and possibly a little disgruntled about having to leave the good-looking, wealthy English boy behind.
“Nothing. He’s a prick and an arsewipe. Not worthy of our attention.”
“Oh, he’s worthy of mine.” Cailin giggled girlishly and Taylor groaned inwardly. God, of all the people in this school she decided to be chummy with another of Winters’ fans? “Uhm… If you don’t mind me asking… Were you two… together or something?”
Taylor paused in her stride and turned around giving the lanky Irish girl an appalled look. “You have got to be kidding right? He is singly the most repulsive person I’ve ever known and I loathe his every being.” Her voice was filled with so much vehemence and underlying passion that even Cailin was looking quite bewildered.
“Okay. Okay. Cool down. I was only asking.”
“That’s fine. So what do you like to do?”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. No changing the topic! So why do you hate that guy so much? What did he do to you?” She paused for a while as if reminiscing and said, “He’s yummy.” Cailin linked arms with Taylor and practically dragged her off to a table where she sat down and stared expectantly at her. “Come on, spill!”
Inside, Taylor could’ve died.

~o~

That night Taylor sneaked out of her dorm room and walked out to the swimming pool facility. She couldn’t sleep. There was no way that she wanted to see the island in her dreams when it reminded her so austerely of the garden than Damien had taken her too. Everything about her dreams seemed to remind her about the boy. She never wanted to believe the truth in it, but Taylor had to admit. Everything about Damien Winters was too familiar to her; almost as if she had known him all her life.
Clad in her silk nightgown and shorts, she had slipped a dark green hoodie and a pair of sneakers and made her way out of the school building. She had always thought the place calmed her ever since her first sleepless night when she had gone down for a swim. Her thoughts of the night before had consumed her for the entire day and Taylor felt that she really needed to sort this out with herself or she would die obsessing over it.
Armed with a flashlight and her notebook with a pen, she curled up in a corner of the large swimming area, under the moonlight and began to write. Her mind was still swimming with all the events that had occurred the night before and she was truly confused. It had felt so right, so safe. She almost didn’t want to believe that Damien was just playing her. But she knew better than to be so naïve. Damien Winters was the real life Casanova of the school. All the girls fell (more like threw themselves) at his feet and even though he rarely used them at his exposal, she knew very well that he could. She also knew that he hated her so no doubt this was a form of cruel sadistic torture he could inflict upon her. She reflected bitterly on the longing she felt when he had held her close. The safety she had felt, the involuntary smile that she had shared with the darkness when their fingers interlaced. It was a secret, it was their secret. But she knew it meant nothing to him, as it should to her. This was the Winters prick she was dealing with; he wasn’t worthy of her. With her mind so full of emotion, she brought her pen down to paper and began to write. Somehow, the words came freely with no hesitation and it was the most she had written ever since she got to the school.

Kill me now or never,
Let me haunt your mind forever.
What’s the use in contemplating,
When both our hearts have not done hating?
Confusion, derision, love and anger.
Can’t tell which emotion will conquer.
Leave me now and let this die,
Love me now but will we fly?
Kill me now or never,
Let me haunt your mind forever.

She’d spent so much of her time thinking about the entire ordeal and writing that she almost didn’t notice that the sun had begun to rise. Dawn was breaking and she had better leave for her dorm now before anybody realized that she was gone. Sighing, she gathered her things and stealthily made her way back to the school building.

Silently, she entered the dorm and did a quick change swapping her nightclothes for a denim skirt and a green polo shirt. She was quite impressed at how great she was becoming at sneaking around campus when she caught sight of the Asian girl sleeping soundly in her bed. Taylor looked at Kat, looking entirely peaceful and felt a pang of guilt. She didn’t have to be victim to this spat between Damien and her. But she couldn’t face him. Besides, she had spent most of her MAD life with the boys anyway. No doubt she would pick them over her. Taylor sighed and sat at the edge of her bed looking at Kat. She would never understand. Taylor would never whisper a word of Damien’s perfidy to a soul anyway. Without thinking twice, she crept out again and headed to the Cafeteria for an early breakfast.

~o~

Later in the day, Taylor had to diligently avoid Kat. She had no words to explain why she hadn’t turned up for lunch with the twins and Damien. She had no excuse as to why she was absent from their little ‘pack’ and she didn’t want to have to lie to Kat. Instead, Taylor spent her time with Cailin and unfortunately enough, she was becoming exactly how she had described herself when they first met – clingy, whiny, needy and annoying.

“… So anyway, then my sister was all ‘No, it’s her fault!’ And you know what? My mother actually believed her! That slimy conniving bitch…”
Taylor nodded and added an enthusiastic, “Bitch!” for effect. This girl was driving her insane. Who knew the Irish were all clingy whiners? But maybe she was being judgemental. She remembered all too clearly Annette’s reaction when she’d found out that Damien was her guide around school. First there was the boasting, which went along the lines of, ‘Oh, Damien and I are sooo in love, we’re practically going to get married!’ But when Taylor found out soon enough that Damien couldn’t stand the young lass, she’d moved on to clinging; pestering Taylor almost everyday about how amazing was it to be spending so much time with Damien Winters. And just when Taylor was getting sick of Annette, she’d moved on to her last stage, resentment. This involved giving Taylor death glares and whispering angrily with her posse when Taylor ever passed them. Frankly, Taylor had to admit that she preferred this stage better.
“Taylor! Are you listening to me??”
She snapped out of her reverie as Cailin shrieked all too demandingly. “Yes, yes. I was! Bitch of a sister.” She prayed that the girl was still ranting about her goddamned sister.
“I know right! Seriously…” She continued and Taylor sighed inaudibly. This was going to be a long and tiresome year if she had to spend it with this girl.
“Excuse me, Cailin, I really need to use the loo.” Taylor hurriedly got up and walked off in the direction of the washrooms near the Cafeteria. She really needed to get away from that girl. There was only so much teenage angst a girl could take in a day.

A peal of laughter could be heard from up ahead and Taylor cringed. She knew that laugh. They seemed to be fine without her. She couldn’t even bear to look at them being all happy as if she never was their friend. Stopping mid-stride, she turned around and took a different route heading into the building, a single phrase playing on repeat in her mind. Damn you, Damien Winters.

~o~

He’d seen her – the top of her dirty blonde head as she was making her way to the bathrooms. Of course he’d seen her. And it was pathetic of him, but ever since that night and ever since she’d been diligently avoiding him, he’d been diligently looking out for her. He noticed every slight movement she made, noted her facial expressions and followed her with his eyes every chance he could get. Great, you sodding stalker. He laughed half-heartedly as he heard Kat’s peal of laughter beside him.

He had noticed how she had stopped hanging out with them and how she had suddenly found friendship in that new Irish girl, Cailin Gallagher. And he even noticed that Taylor really couldn’t stand her. It was true, she was whiny and annoying. So why would she want to spend all her time with the girl who seemed to glue herself to anybody who showed her a little kindness? Was it because of him?

His mind flashed back to the other night, when they’d… He couldn’t even bring himself to think about that night. He felt foolish and confused and it was absolutely ridiculous. He was Damien Winters. And he was always sure about himself. Always. But did he really hurt her feelings? What did she think about him? More importantly, how did she feel about him? He didn’t even know how he felt about her. It was all a whirl of mixed emotions. No he still couldn’t stand the girl. The way her laughter was almost tinkling, like bells. It wasn’t normal. He couldn’t stand her ridiculously bright dresses and her colourful humour. But really, were those valid reasons to loathe someone? No, they weren’t.

But Taylor Smith was loudmouthed and overly sarcastic. Sometimes even more than he was and Damien didn’t like to lose, especially to a girl. She carried herself with too much self-importance to be demure and he’d realized that she was never there. Like she was there physically, but her mind seemed so detached all the time. It unnerved him. Damien caught himself and willed himself to stop thinking.

Why was he comparing her pros and cons? He didn’t like the girl. Period. And it was better for him that she wasn’t spending time with them anymore. He enjoyed the peace. Really, he did. Damien furrowed his brows uncertainly. He didn’t like that edge of doubt lingering in his mind.

“Hey, what’s wrong Winters?” Bryan playfully punched him in the arm, breaking him out of his reverie.
His eyes steeled unexpectedly. “Nothing, why would anything be wrong?”
“Okaaay, chill duuuude.”
Damien chuckled and shook his head turning to look at the twins. He noticed Kat had gone very quiet. “What’s wrong Kat?”
“What? Is it Ask-People-About-Their-Problems Day now?” She flashed them a cheeky grin.
“Since when did you have problems, Kathryn Wu?” Damien drawled silkily.
“Yeah, totally,” chimed Bryan before pausing to hold his stomach. “God, I’m like still hungry man.” He plastered on a comical look of confusion at his still full bowl of noodle soup.
This time Kat laughed genuinely, “You idiot. Now since you’re not gonna touch that…” She snatched the bowl away from him and took a large spoonful of noodles in her mouth.
“OI! I’M HUNGRY!” Bryan prepared to tackle his sister and Damien laughed to himself. He could clearly see the family bond between the two siblings. It made him sad sometimes that he would never experience that love. But he knew he was lucky to have a pair of such good friends like them.

Laughing out loud this time, he braced himself and moved forward to separate the two now wrestling on the grass, their food long forgotten.

~o~

Taylor needed an escape. She couldn’t keep running forever. It was ridiculous and she couldn’t just forgo her friendship with Kat because of that aggravating prick. Damn that Damien Winters. She was jolted down to her surroundings when she suddenly realized that everything at that moment seemed to remind her of the bloody boy. Everywhere she went, she heard familiar footfall, she caught scent of an all too familiar musk. It all seemed like they could’ve belonged to the object of her vexation. Taylor rolled her eyes and kept her steady pace as she walked aimlessly through the corridors of the school. She didn’t know where she was going; she just needed to get away from it all. Away from the Cafeteria, away from Cailin, away from the twins and especially away from Damien Winters.
“Taylor.”
She heard his voice, but she refused to believe it was him. Great, now you’re even imagining him around you, Taylor. No, she was being silly. It must be just her bloody imagination. Taylor could spot Damien a mile away now and much to her chagrin, she had been observing his every movement as far as she could without getting caught. It was definitely pathetic. But she’d grown this unhealthy obsession with the Winters boy.
“Taylor.”
She heard it again. Was she really imagining it? Taylor sneaked a look behind her and her breath caught in her throat. Damien Winters was following her. She stopped abruptly and whipped around furiously.
“What do you want?”
“Nothing,” he replied smoothly.
“Then leave me alone.” Taylor began to walk away from him again, picking up her pace the further she moved.
“You’re being childish.”
“I’M being childish? ME?! I’M. I am. Me. Childish?” she’d grown quite hysterical. “Go to hell, back where you came from.”
She never stopped her legs from carrying her away from him, but she couldn’t help but notice that he had no smart remark to counter her seemingly witless retort. And after what seemed like forever, she heard his faint voice carrying through the empty corridor of the school. “You’re just going to ignore me.” It wasn’t a question. No, it was a statement. And for some reason, Taylor felt strongly unsatisfied.